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April 15, 2004
Bored? Try Online Petitions
Apparently, the first Google result for the word "jew" is a poorly-designed (aren't they all) antisemitic site called Jew Watch. According to Snopes, Jew Watch has topped the list since 2001, but this hilariously misguided online petition is relatively new.
Somehow, the petitioner got it in his head that if he collected 50,000 names online, Google would remove Jew Watch from its results page. This, in spite of the fact that Google never manually adjusts search results, since doing so would damage the search engine's integrity; and more fundamentally in spite of the fact that online petitions never ever amount to anything.
Now, personally, I'm pretty sure impressionable children aren't rushing to their web browsers, typing in "jew," and clicking "I'm feeling lucky." Even if they did, Jew Watch is an incomprehensible jumble of links in teensy font. I stared at it for several minutes and, though I do seem to be filled with slightly more hate, I don't feel like I'm directing it at any group in particular.
Proving that not everybody who believes in this cause is fundamentally retarded, some folk have been googlebombing a much-more-helpful definition of Jew to the top of the list. It's a shaky battle, with Jew Watch currently on top, but who knows. Personally I'm much more perturbed by the content of MartinLutherKing.org, which I discovered through Jew Watch. The site design is dangerously legible, and its innocent-looking presentation and domain name are really creepy.
What's the bright side of all this? Well, with more than 80,000 signers, there's plenty of hilarious messages on the petition website! This is going to be even more fun than that "Rename 'The Two Towers' To Something Less Offensive" petition from a couple of years ago. Follow me on a journey to Stupid.
Here's a sampling, sorted into categories. With around 90000 signatures, there's plenty for you to read when you get bored. I recommend!
I believe in free speech, but...
"The site is reprehensible,obscene and although I uphold the freedom of speech and religion, I find the support of such hatred unconscionable"
"The First Amendment is a fine idea, but Google, you have a responsibility as the #1 search engine to be a bit more selective about what comes up."
"Freedom of speech is different from promotion of HATE. Google it is time to wake up."
"I don't think that it is always a good idea to deny freedom of speech, but I'll make an exception in this case. Though I think that they are addressing the converted, one needs to rebut the misinformation if it is not removed."
Google does webhosting now, right?
"please remove this .com address"
"I would like Google to refuse to host anti-Semitic websites and any other sites that target and defame groups of people."
Weird threats
"This site is ignorant, shameful & disgusting...My wish for the person who started this site is this...I hope that your only offspring marries a Jew!!"
"either remove this vile site or we remove Google forever"
"having this on Google is outragous...if you don't remove it, we'll use Yahoo" (Ha! Yeah, RIGHT.)
When all else fails, use a clich?
"It is outrageous in this day and age for Google to ignore this form of hatred and racism!"
"Anti-semitism ain't just a river in Egypt" (that one's actually pretty funny.)
"Search Engines should not promote HATE." (I find that one hilarious too, but I'm not sure why.)
"It is the year 2004 already! You would think we would have evolved past these things !"
"Arent there enough problems in this world?"
"its a sad day in our life when a computer company can help spread hate. a very sad day.........."
I've been reading whyihatedc pretty much since the very beginning (found it on the DC Metro Blog Map when i was debating going to law school out there), then furdell.com started up. You guys are the greatest.
Seriously.
I'm glad the two of you have decided to form Voltron and kick my ass into laughing everyday. You guys remind me of the playa hater sketches on Chappelle's Show, but they can't even hate like you guys.
Keep up the good work.
george - Apr 15, 2004 - 6:42 PMGeorge: Hee, thanks. We are indeed like Voltron (color-coded and everything).
Andrew: You realize, of course, that you're boosting Jew Watch's page rank further by linking to it. And now, people will get mad at you, and link to us in their blogs, which will, in turn, drive up our own page rank. So, way to go! Wait, no...
James F - Apr 15, 2004 - 9:39 PMWe're already the #1 result when you search for "furdell." Chew on THAT, Phyllis!
As for Voltron, well, I don't know about that. But I do know that we collect so much grass, po-po thinkin we mow lawns. Bad Boys II soundtrack.
Andrew F - Apr 15, 2004 - 11:04 PMNever explain jokes, and only explain references when asked.
For the record - Google will manually adjust search results, especially by removing sites from the database. Try finding Kazaa Lite. Or that Learnlink post where I said something potential employers should never see.
I was hoping not to have to comment twice to my own article, but RM's statements are blatantly wrong enough that they must be corrected.
In response to your first sentence: When I said "Bad Boys II soundtrack," that was in fact a part of the joke. (People who have listened to the end of the song will know what I'm talking about.) Thanks for making me explain it, jackass.
As to your other stuff, my understanding is that Google only removes illegal sites (such as child porn), and Jew Watch, though reprehensible, is not illegal. So it really doesn't apply. So there.
Andrew F - Apr 16, 2004 - 11:28 PMHmmm, Jew Watch doesn't appear to be working. Unless it's just because it's lame enough not to work with Mozilla, in which case it should be removed for that reason.
Funny that you mentioned it because I just rewatched The Eternal Jew yesterday.
Huha - Apr 17, 2004 - 7:56 PMAlright boys (& kfree) - you're my web-savvy friends, so here's my idea; make it so:
Hijack the JewWatch domain name or IP address or whatever thingy you have to, and link it to . . . me. I'll get one of those webcams and Krazy Glue it to my head, leave it on 24/7, and all the anti-semites [please read that word as though spoken with the Polish immigrant accent of my late Great Aunt (in both senses of the term) Taube, affectionately known simply as "The T": ANti-semITES; in the interest of full disclosure, she was occasionally known to refer to Jesse Jackson as "that blek bestahd,"] can see how the chosen people really live, and that we're not so evil.
Imagine all they'd learn.
For example, they'd get to see me sit behind my desk, using my law degree to fight not-so-passionately to defend the interests of big corporations (often run by non-jews) accused of screwing the little guy.
They'd get to see me eat a bagel and bacon together - an image that screams religious and ethnic harmony.
They'd get to see me . . . well, that's pretty much what I do - eat and work. If nothing else, maybe I could bore the hate out of them.
Just a thought, nay, a little something extra.
LiAps - Apr 29, 2004 - 5:16 PM