"You're so novel; what a good idea." -Nada Surf, "Popular"
Why are the British so accepting of novelty songs? American Top 40 has the same boring songs on it week after week (e.g. "Mesmerize" by Ja Rule and Ashanti; "Holidae In" by Chingy, Snoop, and some other guys, since nobody seems to be able to sing an entire song solo anymore; and anything by Jessica Simpson).
What we really need are lighthearted novelty songs that break us out of this monotony. Why can't Americans latch on to mindless novelty songs the way British people do? Perhaps it's because we're incapable of introspection. Novelty songs are essentially spoofs of stupid pop songs, and most Americans refuse to admit that songs like Hillary Duff's "So Yesterday" are the work of Satan. (They say the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was writing bad pop songs for Hillary Duff.)
Anyway, here is James' and my list of the Top 5 Novelty Songs.
#5 - The Ketchup Song. This song has apparently spawned the "new dance craze". It's sung by Las Ketchup, three Spanish sisters who's first album was called "Hijas del Tomate," or Daughters of the Tomato for you non-Spanish speakers.
Strangely enough, these girls now apparently own Europe because this stupid song was so successful. Go figure.
#4 - The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun. This was Julie Brown's amusing (and only) hit from the mid-'80s before she hit it big on MTV. (No, not Downtown Julie Brown. Regular Julie Brown. The white one.)
It's clearly designed to cash in on the whole "Valley Girl" craze of the time, but is still funny in a dark way:
Debbie didn't listen to what the cop said
She aimed and fired and now the math teacher's dead
It's really sad, but kind of a relief
I mean, we had this big test coming up next week
That's novelty-rific.
#3 - The Chipmunk Song. In the genre of both animal-themed and Christmas-themed novelty songs, this one is clearly tops in cuteness and charm. Thus, I can forgive it for spawning the whole "Alvin and the Chipmunks" thing, even though I'll never be able to get their version of "Bette Davis Eyes" out of my head. Creeeeeepy.
#2 - Touch My Bum. I discovered this song on Top of the Pops, a British countdown video/concert show. It's sung by the Cheeky Girls, which is funny in and of itself.
You really have to hear it for yourself, I don't think I can do it justice just by relating a few lyrics. (Hint: the words "touch my bum" figure into things. A lot.)
#1 - David Duchovny. Bree Sharp performed this hysterical stalker song dedicated to the nigh-emotionless X-Files actor.
It's not just good musically, but good comedy as well. The best part is when she yells, "I'm gonna kill Scully!" That cracks me up every time.
So that's the list! And now, Andrew drunkendly posts his vehement disagreement with our list, and calls us stupid. In 3, 2, 1...
Great, now I'm expected to come up with good alternate novelty songs? Man, I don't even know what that means! Oh, here's one: "Fett's Vette" by MC Chris. You're stupid!!!
There, another prophecy fulfilled. All in a days work -- for Andrew.
You know, If you claim that you don't know novelty songs, I'm likely to teach you. "Say Anything" style.
ToyBox at the ready.
I don't think any discussion of novelty pop songs can really be complete without mentioning "The Chicken Song" performed by the cast of the TV show Spitting Image (remember the Genesis video for "Land of Confusion" with the all the puppets? It ended with Reagan in bed blowing up the world? That was Spitting Image.) I was living in the UK when this song was Number 1 there for three weeks in 1986. What follows are the actual lyrics:
It's the time of year, now that spring is in the air
When those two wet gits, with their girly curly hair
Make another song, for marronic holidays
that nausiate-ate-ates in a million different ways
From the shores of Spain, to the coast of southern France
No matter where you hide, you just can't escape this dance
Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deck-chair up your nose
Buy a Jumbo-Jet, and then bury all your clothes
Paint your left knee green, then extract your wisdom teeth
Form a string quartet, and pretend your name is Keith.
Skin yourself alive, learn to speak araphahoe
Climb inside a dog, and behead an Eskimo
Eat a Renault 4, wear salami in your ears
Cassarole your gran, dis-embowel yourself with spears
The disco is migrating, the sound is loud and grating
It's truly nausiating - let's do the dance again..
Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deck-chair up your nose
Buy a Jumbo-Jet, and then bury all your clothes
Yes you'll hear this song, in the holiday discos
And there's no escape, in the clubs or in the bars
You would hear this song, if you holidayed in Mars
Skin yourself alive, learn to speak araphahoe
Climb inside a dog, and behead an Eskimo
Now you've heard it once, your brain will spring a leak
And though you hate this song you'll be humming it for weeks
Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deck-chair up your nose
Buy a Jumbo-Jet, and then bury all your clothes
la la la la la la la....
I challenge anyone to find this song on Kazza or somesuch, listen to it about 3 times a day for a month, and then tell me that Novelty songs are still a good thing.