"Gandhi's anti-violence; not anti-comedy"

Leave it to MTV to screw up Clone High. The hilarious cartoon featuring clones of famous historical figures at a special high school was unjustly booted from the network when some very humorless people apparently complained about the satirical treatment of Mahatma Gandhi's clone as a fun-loving party animal.

The rest of the main characters were similarly portrayed in terms of high school TV show stereotypes. Abe Lincoln is our awkward, clueless hero; Joan of Arc is a Goth girl; JFK is a womanizing jock; Cleopatra is stuck-up and opportunistic. The evil Principal Scudworth lords over Clone High with the help of his robotic butler/assistant, Mr. Bultertron, who suspiciously looks a lot like Mr. Belvedere and calls everyone "Wesley."

Only about half of the 13 episodes aired in the U.S., as no other network ever picked up the fledgling show, which certainly deserved a wider audience. Hopefully it will make it to DVD one day (heck, they're releasing Punky Brewster on DVD, they should certainly release this).

In the meantime, here are my five favorite moments from Clone High.

5) "It Takes a Hero." Abe's entry into the film festival is about a football-playing giraffe. We're treated to a clip of the ending, when the giraffe attempts the winning field goal. The ball comes to rest on the crossbar, and teeters perilously back and forth. Everyone is silent, until a girl in the stands watching the giraffe whispers, "I love you."

That causes the ball to fall through for the winning score, and as a UFO beams the giraffe aboard, a fan in the stands delivers the awkward line "He's going. Home." Which prompts the girl to yell: "I have your baby in me, giraffe!" The End.

After presenting his film to awkward applause, Abe cries a single tear.

4) Gandhi the rapper. After rhyming a word with itself, Gandhi decides to become a famous rapper: G-Spot. His debut song is a big hit:

G-Spot rocks the G-Spot!
G-Spot rocks the G-Spot!

What's my name?
The G-Spot

What do I rock?
The G-Spot!

3) X-Stream Blu commercial. My top 3 are all from "Episode 2: Election Blu-galoo." Abe gets campaign money from the totally "sick, wicked, cyber-awesome" X-Stream Blu sports drink people. But has to include the product in his advertising.

The resulting TV spot features Abe climbing Mount Everest to meet bikini-clad supermodels at the top. "I'll never make it," laments Abe.

Suddenly, the computer-generated bottle-shaped mascot with the shrill voice, Blushi, shows up.

BLUSHI: "Maybe I can help, slice-dawg!"

ABE: "Blushi! But I'm no match for that gang of snow sharks!" (Earmuff-wearing sharks shown riding up mountain on snowmobiles.)

After Blushi helps Abe meet up with the supermodels, he proffers the following suggestion:

"Let's go surf tha Internet!"

Good marketing. That is what the kids are into these days.

2) Marilyn Manson: nutritionist. X-Stream Blu claims to fortified with essential ingredaments, nutrimites, vitaminos and health acids, but it's really pancake batter mixed with blue housepaint.

Gandhi drinks too much and becomes sick, which prompts Marilyn Manson to sing us a Schoolhouse Rock-esque lesson about the food pyramid.

When you eat your sweets,
be sure you try
to limit your servings
or you'll DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

This clip is still available on Clone High's website. (The way he sings "yogurt, milk and cheese" cracks me up every time.)

1) Best line ever. Principal Scudworth takes endorsement money from X-Stream Blu. Mr. Bultertron, who has been gold-plated and lowered, asks Scudworth if it's a good idea to spend all the money.

Don't get all up in my business, my hydraulically-outfitted friend.

Why, I watched the first two-thirds of the MC Hammer Behind the Music, and if there's one thing I learned about money, it's that it never runs out.

Utterly. Brilliant.