Kimberly and I never, ever fight. But if we were to fight, I think it would be over whether a singer talking during a song is a good idea.
Every time some R&B singer decides to launch into some long soliloquy, Kimberly just rolls her eyes and turns the dial. It's like it's a personal insult; she may never listen to a Justin Timberlake song every again. And that is a national tragedy.
(OK, so she's right about that particular song, "Seniorita." It really does sound stupid when he starts doing his "lounge act" thing. "I feel like something's heating up; can I leave with you?" What is with that?)
Despite JT, I still think that a well-placed verbal essay can really drive home the theme of the song, while also simultaneously being a lot of fun. My favorite current example is Jojo's "Get Out (Leave)," where she yells some funny exclamations between lines in the chorus:
Get out. (Leave!!!)
Right now.
It's the end of you and me.
It's too late. (Now!!!)
I can't wait. [etc...]
But originally, I was thinking about this topic after revisiting my post about Eamon's "F--k It," a.k.a. Dick Cheney's theme song. I titled that post "Like cornflakes without the milk," in reference to my other favorite, angry R&B song... "The Rain" by Oran (Juice) Jones.
This particular 1980's classic is a great example of a singer sounding sweet with the singing, while saying something not-so-sweet with the lyrics. Oran's lament at catching his girl cheating on him makes for a memorable hook:
I saw you... (and him...)
Walking in the rain.
You were holding hands, and I'll...
Never be the same.
But the sadness turns to vitriol at the end of the song, when Oran starts talking. But this time it's not so much a soliloquy as a one-act play; in a two-minute sequence, Jones chews out his girl and kicks her out of his apartment. It's clearly the most memorable example of a musical breakup speech ever, as long as you rank it only against the other memories currently residing in my brain.
For those who don't recall or are uninitiated to the stylings of the Juice, here's that speech, transcribed painstakingly by myself, in its entirety.
(I saw you...)
Hey, hey baby, how ya doin'? Come on in here.
(Walking in the rain...)
Got some hot chocolate on the stove waiting for you.
Listen, first things first. Let me hang up that coat.
(You were holding hands and I'll...)
Yeah. How was your day today?
Did you miss me?
(Never be the same...) [repeats in background]
Oh, you did? Yeah? I missed you too.
I missed you so much I followed you today.
That's right. Now close your mouth, 'cause you cold busted!
That's right, now sit down here; sit down here.
I'm so upset with you I don't know what to do.
You know my first impulse was to run up on you and do a Rambo.
I was about to jam you and flat blast both of you.
But I didn't wanna mess up this thirty-seven-hundred-dollar lynx coat.
So instead, I chilled -- that's right, chilled.
I went to the bank and took out every dime.
Then I went and cancelled all those credit cards... yeah!
All your charge accounts. Yeah!
I stuck you up for every piece of jewelery I ever bought you!
Yeah, that's right! Everything!
Everything.
No, don't go lookin' in that closet, 'cause you ain't got nothin' in there.
Everything you came here with is packed up and waiting for you in the guest room. That's right.
What was you thinking about? Huh? What are you trying to prove?
You was with the Juice!
I gave you silk suits, blue diamonds, Gucci handbags...
I gave you things you couldn't even pronounce!
But now I can't give you nothing but advice.
Cause you still young. That's right, you still young.
I hope you learn a valuable lesson from all this, you know.
You're gonna find somebody like me one of these days.
Until then, you know what you gotta do?
You gotta get on outta here with that alley-cat-coat-wearing,
Hush Puppy-shoe-wearing crump cake I saw you with! Cause you dismissed!
That's right. Silly rabbit, tricks are made for kids, don't you know that?!?
You without me is like corn flakes without the milk!!!
It's my world; you're just a squirrel trying to get a nut!!!
Now get on outta here. Scat!!!
Utterly, utterly brilliant. The talking starts off calm; then the anger builds and builds until it explodes into all-out vitriol, as well as a few breakfast cereal-related metaphors. An absolute master stroke, I would say. Kimberly would say it was total rubbish, if she were British. As it is, she still thinks it's stupid to talk during a song.
Readers of furdell.com: it's time to settle this debate once and for all. The debate rests in your hands. Talking in songs: is it awesome or lame?
Do spoken intros count? IE:
Fellas, I'm ready to get up and do my thing!
(Yeah!)
I wanna get into it, man, you now...
(Yeah, sure!)
Like a, like a sex machine, man!
(Oh, now I understand what you're saying better!)
Movin...doin' it, you know
(Yes, what you are saying is something with which we agree)
Can I count it off?
If that doesn't count, then my favorite song with talking in it is either Gregory Abbott's Shake You Down or Prince's Batdance. Ooh yeah! I wanna bust that body.
Oh yeah, and: Sade's Smooth Operator. Excellent song, spoken intro. I think a lot of the better sexy songs have spoken bits.
I love Kimberly, especially on this, her birthday weekend, but must vote her off the proverbial island (actually, there's no proverb about the island, and that whole voting-something-off-the-island cliche was so horrible I wanted to cut off my fingers - but I use it here ironically. Or something).
I'm not sure if you'll count Murray Head singing "One Night in Bangkok," because he speaks the entire song, aside from the chorus and occasional interlude.
I'm sure it loses points for being in a musical, but how can you argue with wisdom like:
The creme de la creme of the chess world in a
Show with everything but Yul Brynner.
or
Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
Whose every move's among the purest. I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.
or even
I don't see you guys rating
The kind of mate I'm contemplating
I'd let you watch, I would invite you
But the queens we use would not excite you.
And a second strong entry would have to be Vincent Price's spoken monologue over Michael Jackson's "Thriller":
Darkness falls across the land
The midnite hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y?awl?s neighbourhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse?s shell
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzy ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller
Word.
Oh, yeah... and the Pinzur blog is on the air at http://pinzur.blogspot.com.
My apologies in advance.
OK, people. Talking in songs (and here I do not mean rapping in songs, because that is entirely different) is nothing but pure laziness. If you feel the need to insert a monologue into your song, you have essentially decided it was too much trouble to give your words any kind of rhythm or structure, and you would rather just say what's on your mind without all that bother of putting it to music.
My lovely friend Kayla brought up what has to be the best example for the defense, which is Britney's "Oops, I Did It Again":
All aboard
Britney, before you go, there's something I want you to have
Oh, it's beautiful, but wait a minute, isn't this...?
Yeah, yes it is
But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean in the end
Well baby, I went down and got it for you
Oh, you shouldn't have
No. Just no.
I'm sideing (not the stuff on the side of houses) with Kimberly on this one. Talking in songs is silly. At least make a half ass attempt at rhyming the words together. Actually, all conversations should break out into songs more often to really get the point across.
Yea, I like musicals. So what Beotech?