An 8,000-word treatise on "Unskinny Bop" by Poison

OK, it won't be that long an entry. But I did receive some new American Top 40 countdowns in the mail yesterday, and popped in one from July 1990, and there, in all its glory, was "Unskinny Bop" by Poison at #35.

Is it too late to go back and update my worst songs ever list? Because this one should definitely be on there. The fact that this song could even get radio play is infuriating. Just to refresh your memory, here's the lyrics from the chorus:

Unskinny bop;
Just blows me away.
Unskinny bop bop.
All night and day.
Unskinny bop bop bop bop.
She just loves to play.
Unskinny bop; nothin' more to say.

Au contraire, Mr. Bret Michaels. I think there is something more to say, such as... what the fuck are you talking about?!?!

OK, granted, if you look at some of the other lyrics, the song is clearly a description of some sort of sexual escapade. But the details are fuzzy; what the hell is an "unskinny bop?"

At long last, the truth can now be revealed!

You know, I never knew what an "unskinny bop" was until you guys said it. Did you guys coin that phrase?

I don't know. We still don't know what "Unskinny Bop" means. When we were in the studio, I would write the music, and usually if Bret didn't write lyrics yet, I would try to think of something that would just fit phonetically. And I guess "Unskinny Bop" became something like that. It wasn't meant to be a song. They were just working lyrics. And then when we played it for the producer, who was Bruce Fairbairn, he goes, "That's marvelous. I don't know what an 'Unskinny Bop' is, but whatever it is, it's perfect."

They were dummy lyrics! Dummy lyrics!!!

It's a cookbook! A cookbook!!!

Clouds of teenage-era confusion have been lifted from my brain; I am now at peace with the world.

NEXT TIME: A 12,000-word dissertation on "We Like The Cars (The Cars That Go Boom)" by Tigra and Bunny.