Beware the rule variations of...California Pai Gow Poker

First of all, the view outside the casino was magnificent. To get there you have to follow miles of winding cliffside roads with signs that warn you about falling rocks. A much prettier, and more isolated, landscape than what I'm used to in my gambling endeavors.

The poker room was typical: just Hold 'Em, unless they could get a stud game going, which they couldn't; mostly $3-6 (pansies!), with a $4-8 starting soon if I could wait. But I only had a couple hours of gambling time before I had to leave for the airport -- not enough time to make a dent in San Diego's poker coffers. "Bah," said I, and veered straight for the Pai Gow Poker tables.

Pai Gow Poker, which regular Furdell readers know as awesome, is a bit different in California, and not in a good way. First of all, at least at the casino where I played, there's no booze at the gaming tables. According to one dealer, this is because of those winding roads. I seemed to remember hearing that this rule was California-wide, though. Or perhaps it applies to California poker rooms, but not to Indian casinos in general? Hard to say. In any case, any avid Pai Gow player will tell you that the free booze is half the profit. (And any avid poker player will tell you that Pai Gow is a game to play while drunk and/or waiting for a real poker game.) So, that's the first problem.

Here's part "b" of the first problem: the waitresses are not hotties wearing next to nothing, but are in fact old women, dressed like old women. Phooey.

Problem #2: Whereas in Vegas, the wheel (that's A-2-3-4-5 to you) is the second-highest straight, in California it is the lowest. Not a problem, per se, except that they don't post this rule -- if I hadn't asked, I never would have known.

Problem #3: The four words emblazoned on the sign that looms over the table, "JOKER IS COMPLETELY WILD." If you're used to the joker acting as a bug, this rule can throw off the strategy big time. I found myself asking for help from the dealer more often than not when I held a joker.

For an idea of how the strategy changes, here's an example. Suppose you're dealt: Joker, A, K, Q, x, x, x. There's no straight or flush possibilities. In Vegas, your low hand would be K-Q and your high hand would be a pair of aces. In California, you play A-Q low and a pair of kings in your high hand. Weird, huh?

For the most part, this variation seems to mean you have two pair more often, which can also confuse things. It's a very odd rule change, apparently created recently to drum up interest in the game. I don't like it.

Problem #4: I saved the biggest problem for last. In Vegas, the house edge is obtained by a 5% commission on your win. For each $5 win, you pay the house a quarter; for a $20, you pay $1. I prefer to make $20 bets for this reason, and I was annoyed that the lowest minimum bet in the casino's Pai Gow tables was $25, which meant an obnoxious $1.25 commission.

I put my green chip in the circle, but the dealer wasn't satisfied. He told me to put a half-dollar chip next to it. See, in California, they take the commission before the hand starts, and regardless of whether you win, lose, or push. Granted, at $.50 to a $25 bet it's less than 50% of the Vegas commission, but it's taken almost four times as often, thus practically doubling the house edge. (Why only "almost" four times, and not "exactly", or in the case of players who don't bank, "more than"? Because of another weird rule: if everybody playing pushes, like when the dealer has a 5-card flush and a 4-2 for a low hand, then the commission on the next hand is waived for everybody. It's completely beyond my comprehension.)

What does all this mean for you, the gambler? Simply that you should cherish the nicey-nice rules of Las Vegas Pai Gow Poker, as played at, for example, the Paris casino, where I remember consistently kicking ass. Remember that kind of hot dealer, and how we all stayed up til 4 AM even though I was personally very against this? Profit.

(Note: I ended the San Diego Pai Gow Experiment with an extra $55 or so in my pocket. So it all worked out in the end -- but I don't recommend trying to replicate my supernatural luck powers.)