A series of sexy events

Yesterday I attended a free sneak preview showing of Jude Law's A Series of Old Jim Carrey Acts Brought to You By AFLAC. (IMDB is not whistling Dixie when it lists, among the cast, Gilbert Gottfried as the AFLAC duck.)

This movie's got something for everyone. Small children will enjoy the Home Alone-esque antics of Sunny, the baby who bites things a lot and communicates via subtitles; old men will enjoy lusting after a 16-year-old girl:

Actually, the movie had a healthy dose of darkness and was certainly salvageable. Unfortunately -- hmm -- right before Jim Carrey was about to do away with Meryl Streep (WARNING: That was a spoiler! HAHAHAHA), the theatre experienced some technical difficulties, and the film stopped. I spent the next half hour or so egging on a bunch of unruly kids, which was great fun. It occured to me that, with an army of small children, I would be unstoppable. Who's gonna shoot little kids? Even with riot gear? I mean, come on.

Julia, my mysterious girlfriend who I usually avoid blogging about (hi Jules!), went to check on the other theatre, which was working fine. Should have gone with theatre "5" instead of "4." (Note: in the beginning of the movie, Jude Law tells us that we could see a much more pleasant and nicey-nice movie in theatre 2; little did he know that's where they were playing Blade: Trinity.) On the way back, an usher had given Julia two free tickets to compensate for our sad, wasted experience.

This came as a surprise to me, since we had gotten in free in the first place. But I'm not one to look a coveted AMC Readmittance Pass in the mouth. So, on the way out, I made sure to get two free tickets as well, from a different usher. Then Julia caught up with me.

"Did you get two free tickets?" said I. "Oh, wait a sec." She ran back in and got two more passes, bringing our total up to six. We felt very naughty.

Walking down the hall to the exit, we contemplated hopping to Ocean's 12 on a nearby screen, but decided against it. Obviously, God smiled upon our good deed (or more accurately, lack of bad deed just then), because there was yet another woman giving out free passes to irked parents on the way out. I stood in line, ready to get another two passes.

"How many in your party?" "Two," said some guy. Following the lead of those around me, I held out two fingers to speed the process along. "Three," said some old lady. "Well, there were five of us, but I'll just take three. I don't want to get greedy," said some completely stupid, even older lady. "No, no, I insist," insisted usher lady. Then she turned to me. "There were five of us." The guy next to me chuckled. If the usher suspected anything, she was too busy to care; she didn't even separate the last five passes of the book, she gave me the whole thing.

So, there you have it: while the movie isn't great, seeing it could lead to massive profits. I recommend!