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February 25, 2005
Statement: Keanu Reeves is the worst actor in the history of film.
Discuss.
Exhibit A: Bram Stoker's Dracula. While watching this film, James and I decided it must be some sort of industry inside joke that Keanu keeps getting cast in movies. My favorite Keanu moment: How does our hero react to the news that his beloved Winona is about to become a vampire after chowing down on Gary Oldman's pasty, hairless chest and taking a deep draught of his blood? By staring blankly ahead, mouth slightly ajar, of course! And some people should be forbidden from doing accents. Ever. (This means you too, Winona.)
Exhibit B: Much Ado About Nothing. Keanu conveys evil by letting his unibrow grow in and looking down a lot. I should count my blessings that he was not encouraged to attempt an English accent. At any rate, I think we can all agree that Keanu doing Shakespeare is an unforgiveable crime against literature.
Exhibit C: Dangerous Liaisons. An early, pre-Bill & Ted's look at his patented open-mouthed staring, this time used to convey deep, passionate love for hot, 18-year-old Uma Thurman.
I am extremely happy to say that I haven't seen enough Keanu Reeves movies to be able to offer more evidence. Nor do I intend to see Constantine just to build a stronger argument. I'll just imagine Rachel Weisz, Djimon Hounsou, Gavin Rossdale, and some CGI demons, all acting circles around Keanu, and I'll have the total experience without having to shell out $8.50 for another look at his gaping maw.
Kimberly - 3:01 PMIMDB claims that the main character in Constantine, British in the "Hellblazer" comic books, was made American for the movie because they didn't think Keanu could pull off the accent. (Also apparently they toned down the dialogue, and toned up the action, to better play to Keanu's skills.)
Dangerous Liasons was particularly problematic. Putting Keanu in a movie with John Malkovich borders on cruelty.
Andrew F - Feb 25, 2005 - 3:18 PMI've seen the above three movies and I have to assure you that his performance in A Walk in the Clouds is far far worse.
My favorite incidence of "acting" in the movie is his effort to pull a stump out of the ground.
Rumor has it filming was pasued for a week so that they could hire an instructor to teach Keanu how to kiss less like a rock.
kk - Feb 25, 2005 - 3:42 PMi once felt the way you did about keanu, and then i saw his true hollywood story. Did you know he was critically acclaimed for his role as hamlet in a Canadian production of the play?...or that his fellow actors say that he always has the entire script memorized, including everyone else's lines, before shooting starts? (not sure why that would be necessary, but the point is that he is a "serious" actor). in short, give poor keanu a break...if not for his acting, than for the fact that he's had a pretty tough time, with his baby being born stillborn, the mother of his baby dying in a crash a few months later, and his sister having leukemia.
man, i have to stop watching E!
Umm, we all got problems, doesnt mean we should get to do jobs we suck at.
I thought he was hilarious in the fight scenes in those Matrix movies. I couldn't take him seriously...
Jamie - Feb 26, 2005 - 9:58 AMIt's true that a stuffed bear could probably act better than Keanu, but man am I jealous of the kick ass roles he gets.
Wish I was more tall and handsome and less small and furry. Very few parts in Hollywood for that.
Hi Kimberely!!
Pup - Feb 26, 2005 - 12:14 PMThere are lots of roles for the small and furry. In theatres now: Because of Winn-Dixie, Pooh's Huffalump, Son of the Mask, & Cursed.
Episode 3 will probably have somebody small and furry, and you could always shill delightfully soft toilet paper.
And of course it's only a matter of time before Air Bud 10: Jai alai goes into production. (Yes, Andrew, that was for you).
kk - Feb 26, 2005 - 12:35 PMYeah but you know it's gonna be Air Bud X: Howl To the Chief. It writes itself!
Keanu is wooden all right, but he's Laurence Olivier compared to an icon of my youth: Troy Donahue. The good old days weren't any better.
Mom - Feb 26, 2005 - 1:03 PMI would totally go see a movie about jai alai, especially if it featured a golden retriever catching a pelota in its mouth. Those things are harder than golf balls and fling more than 100 mph. So it would probably be a lot gorier than the previous Air Bud movies and, I presume, the last.
Big Pinz - Feb 27, 2005 - 3:42 PM