They cloned a movie and raided it for spare parts!

My new laptop is the bickety-bomb. I'm typing this from a coffee shop, while sipping a latte. Wireless networking is one of the few things I adopted early that really caught on, and I'm glad, because it's the bestest invention ever. Take that, caveman who invented the wheel. Take that and like it.

Anyway, have you guys seen the ads for this new movie The Island? I've been boycotting Michael Bay movies ever since The Rock, which was so retarded it made me weep for poor Michael Biehn. And The Island was (and probably is) going to be no different. But the plot line caught my eye, because it seemed awfully familiar:

Lincoln Six-Echo (McGregor) is a resident of a seemingly utopian but contained facility in the mid 21st century. Like all of the inhabitants of this carefully controlled environment, Lincoln hopes to be chosen to go to the "The Island" - reportedly the last uncontaminated spot on the planet. But Lincoln soon discovers that everything about his existence is a lie. He and all of the other inhabitants of the facility are actually human clones whose only purpose is to provide "spare parts" for their original human counterparts. Realizing it is only a matter of time before he is "harvested," Lincoln makes a daring escape with a beautiful fellow resident named Jordan Two-Delta (Johansson). Relentlessly pursued by the forces of the sinister institute that once housed them, Lincoln and Jordan engage in a race for their lives to literally meet their makers.

The reason it seemed familiar was because I'd seen it before. And it had been called Parts: The Clonus Horror. And... it was featured on an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

MST3K, as you may know, has been highly influential in my life. Gleefully making fun of things using pop culture references is basically my whole bag, and it was MST that elevated that to an artform over 10 seasons. The Clonus episode was one of the more hilarious, considering the parade of D-List barely-ready-for-Match Game celebrities, like Digger Barnes from Dallas and the second, unfunnier Darren from Bewitched. And Peter Graves! And the plot went something like-a this:

A young man escapes from a govenment run project called Clonus only to find out that Peter Graves (Jeff Knight) a candidate for Presidency is a conspirator to keep Clonus a secret. Top government officials are aware of it and support the super secret project, because they are cloning themselves to live longer and better lives, at the expense of their clone counter-part, who is no more than a "slave" as far as human rights are concerned. The ethical and moral values are explored as the escapee (Tim Donnelly) known as Richard returns full circle back to Clonus, only to find his girlfriend lobotimized for government security purposes.

So, yeah: The Island is basically Clonus warmed over, but:

- Set in the future
- Plus a bunch of Michael Bay-esque car chases
- Minus the joy of seeing a parade of "Hey, it's that guy" quasi-stars

Blecch! Count me out. I prefer the original Clonus as seen on MST3K, which I just ordered on the Internet. In a perfectly legitimate and legal fashion.

Maybe not so legitimate was the way Dreamworks ripped off the idea. So sayeth Clonus director Robert Fiveson (whose name, as Mike noted in that particular MST3K episode, is Scandanavian for "Son of Five"):

The Island is not in any way sanctioned by me. In fact, Jeff Katzenberg saw [Clonus] in '78 as a possible pick up by Paramount, and commented at that time that if this was what I could do with a million, he would love to see what I could do with ten. The budget was $257,000---1/400th of The Island. I saw a trailer for it a couple of days ago and nearly soiled myself. There were so many similarities---not just in theme, but actual shots! I hope it does a lot of business; But more than anything else, I hope it gets publicly outed.

So there you go. For shame, Michael Bay; for shame. Um... again.