1. If someone asks how long will it take you to finish your dissertation, just say, "forever." It will be more accurate than you know. (Yes, I'm sure some of you whipped yours out in a cool 10 months or so. Feel free not to tell me about it.)
2. Don't say anything bad about someone you admire, and for Pete's sake don't put it in writing. That certain someone might come across the evidence, oh, say, eight years later and call you out. (They might even say it doesn't bother them at all, it's all in the past, etc. But if the calling out occurs after a three-year communication lapse, there's ample room for skepticism on that point.) You will then (quite rightly) feel like an enormous ass.
3. Even in July, San Francisco is very, very cold.
4. Just because you don't understand all of R. Kelly's colorful euphemisms doesn't mean you want to. Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.
5. There is no mood so dark that a beautiful pair of shoes can't lighten it.