The Andrew rage-a-thon continues...FOREVER

So I've had a lack of output lately, partly due to creative laziness and mostly due to being beyond swamped at work this month. Argh.

But how could I not share with you, dear reader, my vitriol for our "presumptive" presidential nominees as they attend an all-important Pandering Forum -- no, I'm sorry, I meant Faith Forum -- no, that's not right either, I meant the "Let's Pretend We Believe in Invisible Ghosts Who Love Us Forever" Forum, held in some church somewhere.

Both candidates exceeded my usually high expectations for mind-numbing stupidity. On the one hand you've got John McCain, who seems to be absolutely sure beyond any shadow of a doubt that the microscopic clump of cells you conceived a few seconds ago has an immortal soul. Specifically he said that every American's rights begin at conception. Sure, it doesn't have any organs, or like thoughts or feelings or anything...but preventing its growth is murder. Murder most foul!

Of course both candidates agreed that equal marriage rights is an insult to the good American people. McCain went so far as to say that the California Supreme Court made a mistake. No big shocks there, but this is the topic where Obama let me down. When asked why he opposes a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, Obama gave a milquetoast response about how the constitution has never weighed in on marriage before. Sorry Senator, the correct response was "because the constitution is about granting rights, not limiting them, moron." (A lot of political pundits will tell you that it's bad form to call a debate moderator "moron," but those pundits are douchebags.)

I will give him this, though: Obama is at least thoughtful enough to realize that religion is the reason he supports social discrimination.

.Mr Obama called marriage "a sacred union", drawing applause when he added: "God is in the mix."

There you have it: the senator from Illinois totally agrees with me that marriage is an intrinsically religious institution. He just doesn't take my side that this can and should be reformed in our government, because, you know, he's in love with a 2000-year-old Arab who might not have existed.

And that's the guy I'm excited to vote for.

Bask in the vitriol, dear reader. Bask I tell you!!!