Apparently this was all just a beautiful dream

Okay, you can shut off the Matrix now. I am hereby fully aware that my sensory experiences are mere illusions.

How did I find out that my mind was being controlled by super-technology in the distant future? Well, it's quite simple, Possibly-Extra-Terrestrial Overmind: your misunderstanding of our human politics has led to a situation so hopelessly impossible that it has shaken me to the point of full awareness.

My first clue, of course, was the appointment of creationist, pro-life Alaska governor Sarah Palin as John McCain's vice-presidential running-mate, some kind of twisted through-the-looking-glass Hillary Clinton surrogate. Palin, who has less experience in politics than I do in blogging, is of course woefully unprepared for the likely scenario of four-time cancer-surviving older-than-dirt famously-tortured McCain's sudden death.

I confess, Mad Hatter, that even such an obviously false twist went right over my head. The idea that McCain would make such an obvious mistake seemed almost reasonable, even as you kept revealing strange scandals that would have disqualified any VP candidate during the vetting process.

So what specifically tipped me off, finally? It was a flaw in your extra-dimensional logic. Faced with the rumor that Sarah Palin's four-month-old baby actually belonged to her own 17-year-old daughter, McCain's people released a stunning rebuttal: "that CAN'T be her four-month-old daughter, because she's FIVE-MONTH'S PREGNANT! HAH!"

Robot abductors, let it be known: that makes no sense whatsoever. I was hoping that my sudden realization of my own mental imprisonment would short-circuit your brain-control machine and allow me to return to consciousness. But certainly whatever scientific understanding and/or perverse thrills you enjoyed during my extended delusion must be shattered by my knowledge. It's time to unplug me from your dark machine, spacemen.