That's right, this article about Amanda Knox will focus entirely on her innocence, and not on the fact that I'm completely hot for her, because that's the right thing to do.
For those of you who don't know, Amanda Knox is a local student, abroad in Italy last year when her also-quite-lovely-but-that's-neither-here-nor-there flatmate Meredith Kercher was murdered in a particularly slow, painful, bloody way -- her throat was slashed, but her carotid artery was intact. Italian prosecutors came to the amazing conclusion that two men held Meredith down while Amanda did the cutting, either because Meredith refused to participate in or because Meredith was actively participating in some kind of really messed up sex act.
American student in Italy? Excessively bloody murder? Cops way out of their league? That's right, giallo fans: Amanda is actually living in a Sergio Martino film. That is not a place anyone wants to live, my friend.
OK, so, unless you actually watch a lot of giallo movies -- which, by the way, you totally should -- it's hard for me to explain just how perfectly Amanda Knox embodies the giallo protagonist. The connection occurred to me immediately when I saw the first video of her, when she kissed her Harry Potter lookalike boyfriend and then looked off in the distance apprehensively, as if she was thinking, "wait, didn't they say the killer owns a yellow scarf?"
See what I mean? She actually looks like an inexpensive Italian actress in the 1970s. How is that even possible?
The case against Amanda (and ex-boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito, Gryffindor House) is, in a word, bonkers. For a while, the evidence was reinterpreted on a weekly basis, and some of it is circumstantial enough to be laughable. My god, Amanda's fingerprints were found on a knife! A kitchen knife! In her home! Of course, the actual murder weapon is still missing. But wait: Amanda did laundry at some point! CASE CLOSED.
The international press really, REALLY wants Amanda to have done it, and they've jumped on every sleazy item they could. My favorite example: Amanda was told by a prison doctor (falsely, as it turns out) that she was HIV positive. Shocked and terrified, Amanda listed in her diary all the men she'd ever had sexual contact with, in an attempt to figure out how this could have happened. Somehow the tabloids not only got a hold of this information, but even distorted the facts, claiming she had sex with seven men in two months in Italy. Wow, international press. Nice one.
And all of this overseas anti-Amanda fervor of course makes for a fair trial in Italy, where apparently it's totally okay to detain a suspect for up to one year before even bringing them to trial. Un, fucking, believable.
Now, I'm kind of a true crime fan. I've read up a bit on the subject. Outside of Charles Manson's followers, I can't think of any scenario where three people would get together and decide to murder a girl for not having weird sex with them. Really, I'm trying to make that work in my head right now, and I just don't see it. Because these would have to be three completely ruthlessly evil bastards, if they were willing to hold Meredith down, cut her, and watch her slowly bleed to death. You're lucky to find one bastard that ruthlessly evil, but three in the same place? Preposterous.
What really happened? Hopefully, the third suspect -- one Rudy Hermann Guede, convicted of the murder in October and sentenced to thirty years -- actually did commit the crime, maybe while robbing Meredith. (His story -- that he was in the bathroom listening to his iPod when the murderer, an unidentified Italian man, entered and killed Meredith, prompting Guede to flee to Germany for some reason -- is almost as far-fetched as the prosecution's.) Unfortunately, with the state of Italian detective work as it is, there's absolutely no way to be sure.
Amanda, Furdell.com officially hopes that you're aquitted in a speedy trial and that you get back to Seattle safely, and not just because you are smoking hot.
My god, how her eyes pierce my soul. And say what you will about the Italian justice system, but installing a wind machine for more attractive defendants was a good call.
Oh, and lest you think my belief in Foxy Knoxy's innocence is in some way connected to her extreme hotness, consider this: it has long been the position of Furdell.com that the only thing sexier than a blood orgy, is a blood orgy that goes way too far. If anything, by finding her innocent, I'm condemning Ms. Knox to be not quite as hot as she otherwise would have been.
she did it. all i could think about in italy was "how the eff did they let these guys in the EU?"