October 2006 Archives

Last night I stayed up late watching one of my favorite 80s coming-of-age sex romps, Fraternity Vacation. Yes, it only gets 3.2 out of ten stars from IMDB users, but what do they know? It's the only movie of its kind in which every single character, including the villainous rival fraternity brothers, their topless girlfriends, and Amanda Bearse, turns out to be really likeable in the end. And when the nerd loses his virginity to the unattainable girl that the two fraternities were making bets on, everyone seems genuinely happy to have learned a valuable lesson, and Tim Robbins crushes a beer can on his forehead. Seriously, this must be the most feel-good movie ever.

For whatever reason, watching this movie so late caused me to dream that I had written and directed a very faithful remake of FV contemporary Stewardess School (3.1 on the IMDB scale -- yeah, that's probably about right). Only in my version, when the two "male stewardess" main characters realize they're totally about to get laid after all, their mutual celebration devolves -- literally -- as they start to act like chimpanzees, complete with hopping and screeching. In the last shot, one of them throws his poop at the other. The movie is a huge critical success, and I do a magazine interview in which I confront the fact that I'm now being called "The King of Horror," even though I didn't really mean for it to scare people.

Long-time Furdell.com fans will remember that I have only once broken the 3rd law of DVD purchasing, when I bought a set of Rocky DVDs before having viewed the universally-hated Rocky V.

Well, I've done it again, this time even more flagrantly, when I purchased...Gojira!!! (That's the only way to say the title of the movie. You have to scream it like a giant lizard's about to stomp you. GOJIRAAAAA!!!!!!)

Why? Well, for one thing, like Cop Land, I've been trying unsuccessfully to watch this film for years. Even when it was rereleased in theaters a few years back I totally missed out, which was extremely lame of me.

Also, this set includes the Americanized version, Godzilla, King of the (yawn) Monsters. (You have to yawn when you read the Americanized title, because it's totally boring compared to GojiiiiiiirrrrrAAAAAAA!!!!). As a study-er of film-related whatnot, I consider that "neat."

Will my horrible gamble pay off this time? Keep refreshing this site over and over and over to find out!

I don't know why I watch this show. Year after year, ABC finds a good-looking wealthy bachelor to star in their show and surrounds him with a bevy of beautiful young women, all vying for his attention and "love". The premise: eligible bachelors are hard to come by, but beautiful young bachelorettes are a dime a dozen. Another assumption: it's hard to find a bachelor who wants to settle down, but every single woman in her 20's can't wait to find her one and only. And yet another not so subtle message to women: You better find your soul-mate when you're young, because no one's going to want you once you hit 30. Don't think the show is that crude eh? Last week, episode 2 I believe, our bachelor Lorenzo eliminated every single woman above the 30 mark. What is the bachelor's age you ask? He's 34, and kind of a douche. The guy has absolutely NO personality. He reminds me of a muppet, and seems to look blankly into space, or cleavage, most of the time. Though the quiet, stupid type can entertain a girl with perks like diamonds and tours of the Tuscan wine country, something tells me his charm won't last long off camera.

Oh Lorenzo! Take me away on your aeroplane to Roma. But then please fly back, and quick. I want to enjoy the scenery.

I love Iron Man. He's great. He was my favorite action figure as a child, and definitely played a major role in my later comic book obsession. Sure, nobody ever was able to write an interesting story about him until Kurt Busiek took over his comic in the late-90s. But still...I mean, just look at him! He's so cool! He has all these different armors! With ray beams.

Well, of course a movie has been announced. As to whether it actually gets made, my rule of thumb is "don't believe anything you hear about a comic book movie until you're actually allowed to purchase a ticket." But, in the interest of joining the collective moan of the comic book nerd community, "Waaaaugh, why is Jon Favreau directing." The fact that he was in Swingers can no longer make up for the fact that he directed Made, Elf, and Zathura: Jumanji In Space. And no, I don't care that you liked Elf.

Apparently they've cast Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man. That might be overkill...Iron Man is only an alcoholic. (Here's the runner-up link.) I like that casting, but how about a less family-friendly director? Perhaps it's time to tap Paul Verhoeven's valuable experience?

In other news, this weekend's season premiere of Saturday Night Live was hosted by Dane Cook; the next day, TiVo chose to record Simon Sez, in which Dane Cook plays the "comedic" sidekick. This is one of maybe three movies (including Wes Craven's Wishmaster and one other movie that I've blotted out of my memory) that was so bad I never made it all the way through. Why did TiVo do this, you ask? Because someone gave it three thumbs up without my consent.

James Furdell...revenge shall be mine.