Once again I don't know whether to file this under "politics" or "television"

Julia mentioned this to me a few days ago, and now it's in Slate: our government got several of its torture ideas from none other than Furdell.com favorite TV torturer Jack Bauer.

In other TV news, to follow up, another Bachelor engagement has been cancelled. It turns out picking your fiancée from a randomly-selected group of thirty doesn't work.

The internet's finest "supervillain musical"

Apparently during the Hollywood writers' strike, while we weren't looking, Buffy-creator Joss Whedon decided to put together a 40-minute internet-only musical comedy starring Neil Patrick Harris as a mad scientist in love, and Nathan Fillion as the arch-nemesis hero who thwarts him at every turn. It's called "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog," and you can watch it for free through the 20th, after which you would have to buy it through iTunes (or wait for the DVD), so watch it soon. (Note that only the first two parts are live as of this posting; the third part will be up on the 19th.)

I can conceive of no reason not to give you the "full banner."

He died as he lived

Leave it to former Bush administration spokesman Tony Snow to die exactly at the end of the news cycle.

If you hate love, you'll love ABC's reality programming

Why does anybody watch The Bachelor(ette)? Can anybody explain this to me without me getting violent? (Answer: no.)

Who among ye is so cynical that you believe "true love" means picking the most acceptable of 25 reality show contestants? The one saving grace of these shows (besides the fact that their advertising money keeps me employed) is that they never work. Wikipedia has a helpful guide (which you can totally edit to contradict me) shows that only two out of twelve couples from the show have stayed together. One is from the most recent season, so give them time; the other has already been involved in a hilarious domestic battery arrest. Last season's winners? No...last season's LOSERS.

What brought this on, of course, is the season finale of the latest Bachelorette (thanks again, Wikipedia!), in which the woman pretended to be surprised as she was dopily proposed to by a man that couldn't possibly love her, because they're both hollow and soulless.

Oh, and how nice -- they've set the date! May 9th, 2008! Right during sweeps. How romantic.

What a scoop!

This is moderately old news, but it's local to Eugene and only received minor national attention: my old station, KEZI-TV ("We're on it!"), stirred up some controversy when lead anchor Rick Dancer announced his candidacy for Secretary of State during his last broadcast. (Standard practice is to wait a couple of days after resigning and announce your candidacy elsewhere.) Here's the video, complete with KEZI's fancy new open animation, backdrop, desk monitor, and CGs.

RICK DANCER
This is the official announcement. Nobody gets to beat me with the official announcement, because it's our station.

HOLLY MENINO
Right.

Rick goes on to talk about how, as a news anchor, he worked for the community and acted as a voice for people and whatever, and he'll continue to do so if elected Secretary of State. I know we have an unusually large number of journalists reading this -- what's your take on the ethics there? Kinda iffy? Out of the ballpark? I'm interested.

Rick for Secretary of State? I have to admit, from the couple of years I got to know him, Rick reminded me of Martin Sheen's portrayal of the President.

IN THE DEAD ZONE!!!!

Jesse Helms: White worms only, please

Jesse Helms, who believed blacks should use separate and intrinsically inferior facilities and who was a U.S. Senator for 30 years until his voluntary retirement in two thousand fucking two, died yesterday, presumably of the creeping dread that a Negro might soon be president. (There goes the neighborhood!)

Here's a question for the political junkies among you: are there any ("former") segregationists still holding elected positions?

Celebrate America's independence...with waterboarding

Angry British atheist/steadfast-Iraq-War-supporter Christopher Hitchens (that about covers it, right?) is known for his propensity for being just a little bit absolutely and completely certain that he's right at all times. (Evidence: he's still 100% sure that invading Iraq was a good idea.)

So when Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter challenged him to give waterboarding a go -- that's the "aggressive interrogation method" that Hitchens insisted wasn't torture -- how could he refuse?

Turns out -- yep -- it's torture. My favorite passage:

The interrogators would hardly have had time to ask me any questions, and I knew that I would quite readily have agreed to supply any answer. I still feel ashamed when I think about it. Also, in case it’s of interest, I have since woken up trying to push the bedcovers off my face, and if I do anything that makes me short of breath I find myself clawing at the air with a horrible sensation of smothering and claustrophobia. No doubt this will pass. As if detecting my misery and shame, one of my interrogators comfortingly said, “Any time is a long time when you’re breathing water.” I could have hugged him for saying so, and just then I was hit with a ghastly sense of the sadomasochistic dimension that underlies the relationship between the torturer and the tortured. I apply the Abraham Lincoln test for moral casuistry: “If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong.” Well, then, if waterboarding does not constitute torture, then there is no such thing as torture.

(Don't forget to watch the video of Hitchens totally being tortured.)

And let's not forget that John McCain, who already is fully aware that waterboarding is torture and totally reprehensible, voted against a ban on its use. Have a happy 4th of July!

Metropolis, restored

People in the early 20th century had little sense of the historical value of their pop culture; and, celluloid is hilariously flammable. So it's unusual to get good news about old film reels (just ask Universal Studios).

Amazingly, a full theatrical version of Fritz Lang's silent classic Metropolis -- the version thought lost forever -- has turned up in Argentina.

To give you some background: this original theatrical version, which runs about 210 minutes, was only seen in a handful of theaters in Germany in 1927 before it was chopped down to a 90 minute running time for widespread distribution. As you might imagine, certain story elements got pretty severely lost in the process. About six years ago the F.W. Murnau Foundation released a digitally-restored version that clocked in at around two hours and described some of the "lost forever" footage via new title cards -- that's the only version I've seen.

Now if they can only find the director's cut of The Magnificent Ambersons...

Well, I could have told them that

According to some armchair political strategists, Obama will probably try to piss McCain off during debates to remind everyone that he's a ticking time bomb of rage. ABC News found the trigger:

"McCain became visibly angry when I asked him to explain how his Vietnam experience prepared him for the Presidency."

As Furdell.com has taught its longtime friends and allies, the very best way to piss people off is to mock their greatest strengths, because that's what they generally have the worst sense of humor about. McCain can laugh off remarks about his age, for example; but mock his military service and all he can do is seethe in frustration.

That said, Furdell.com would like to suggest the following talking points for Obama during debates:

"My distinguished opponent claims that he was tortured in Vietnam. But he seldom mentions that he was, in fact, staying at the Hilton!"

I was going to write a list of three or so talking points, but I actually don't think I can top that one.

At least they don't think he's Muslim anymore

James Dobson says of Obama: "I think he's deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the Bible to fit his own worldview, his own confused theology."

So...you're saying he's a typical Christian?