November 2008 Archives

Guy at museum to my 18-month-old son: Are you excited for your new brother or sister?

Me: I'm not expecting.

Guy: (Looks horrified.)

Me: Don't worry about it.

Guy: Um ... (shuffles away).

I'd just like to take this moment to say, "I love my X-Box 360." Thank you, Microsoft.

Specifically I'm pleased with some software updates that have come out in the last year or so. Late last year the 360 started supporting AVI files compressed with XVid and DivX. Whereas before I had to convert those files to DVD images and burn them to discs to watch them on our main display, now I can just plug a thumb drive (or any external USB hard drive, for that matter) right into the XBox and enjoy instant gratification. That's especially excellent because the thought of upgrading my computer into an HTPC, partly for that purpose, had crossed my mind; XBox is actually saving me money, it seems. (Except for the money I'll have to spend to buy new hard drives, as mine are filling up fast.)

Now with its silly Mii-ripoff service update, the 360 adds instant streaming for Netflix customers, including a limited selection of HD offerings. (NOTE: That link only works if you're signed into Netflix. ALSO NOTE: About 95% of the movies on that list are really terrible.) For not much less than the X-Box's cheapest system, people purchase a device that only does Netflix streaming -- no AVI playback, no video games, no DVD player.

The 360's Netflix service has some kinks that need ironing out: there's no way to tell via the X-Box's interface whether a movie will be HD or SD until you've already started streaming, which is obnoxious; the HD selection, as I mentioned, is dishearteningly bad (unless you're the kind of person who rushed Iron Eagles 3 and Cougar Club to the top of your queue); and apparently Sony (as in Sony Playstation 3) has made sure that you won't be streaming any Columbia pictures to your Microsoft X-Box 360, at least for now. But all in all, I think with this update the 360 cements itself as a crucial home theater component. And it has achievement points!!!

Well, there is one more thing that would really make it perfect: Blu-Ray support, presumably via an external add-on like the no-longer-available Betamax unit. (Strange choice, Microsoft.) If the 360 supported Blu-Ray, I don't see why anyone would buy the PS3, except for those of you with an unhealthy Final Fantasy obsession.

In the past year and a half working in local news in Seattle, I've seen at least a half-dozen stories that unironically used the phrase "pay it forward." Yes, exactly like in that mediocre movie you neglected to see.

This is not an isolated problem, it's a citywide epidemic. Take the story late last year of the alleged phenomenon at Starbucks in which each customer would pay for the next one's order after being pestered to do so by the barrista. Even though this was an obvious guerrilla marketing scheme -- it happened at Starbucks locations across the country, and only Starbucks locations, largely within the same week -- it got all sorts of earnest local coverage.

Think I'm exaggerating? Here's video from KOMO-4, complete with 'Pay It Forward' graphic. Here we have Seattle market leader KING-5. Rounding out the big three, an article from KIRO-7. Google it yourself and you'll probably be able to find a TV station or newspaper from your town, talking about a Starbucks in your region. I don't mind that none of these journalists realized they were being duped, but when everybody references the same crap movie, that's just lazy. (Yes, I'm aware that Haley Joel Osment did not invent the phrase. But let's admit the fact that he owns it.)

The madness doesn't end there. This summer the Associated Press referred to a cancer patient as having a "bucket list". See the pattern?

Here are some more movie titles that I challenge local news to work into the lexicon:
K-Pax
Sweet November
Mad Money
I Am Sam
Rocky V

Remember Ted Haggard, the evangelical leader with the gay sex scandal? No, he's not the guy whose dead body was found hog-tied, wearing two complete wet suits with a dildo lodged up his ass. I'm talking about Ted Haggard, the crystal meth enthusiast who paid another guy for sex every month for three years.

But he's not gay; Ted Haggard was abused as a child by a male friend of his father! Sure you were, Ted.

Or could it be that a lifetime submerged in a culture that demonizes and marginalizes homosexuality had the predictable effect of making homosexual acts seem just a little alluring? If everyone you know tells you homosexuality is a sin for dirty dirty sinners, doesn't it start to sound just maybe a tad sexy?

Sex columnist Dan Savage would probably apply what he wrote two years ago:

Like many fetishes, [this] is most likely a subconscious, erotic response to a sexually charged fear. While most of us learn to live with and occasionally conquer our fears without eroticizing them, a number of us respond to sexual fears or traumas by incorporating them into our erotic imaginations.

Barack Obama has received his Secret Service codename, "Renegade," after his favorite Lorenzo Lamas TV series. Michelle is "Renaissance" (because she's so classy) and the kids are "Radiance" and "Rosebud".

Those names might not actually mean anything, but sometimes they do; Sarah Palin's was "Denali" (the native name for Mt. McKinley in Alaska) and Todd's was "Driller." (Note that family members' codenames always alliterate.) John Kerry's was "Minuteman" -- ouch.

Some previous presidential codenames:
George W. Bush was "Tumbler" or "Trailblazer";
Bill Clinton was "Eagle" or "Elvis";
George H.W. Bush was "Timberwolf";
Ronald Reagan was "Rawhide";
Jimmy Carter was "Lock Master" or "Deacon";
Gerald Ford was "Pass Key";
Richard Nixon was "Searchlight";
Lyndon Johnson was "Volunteer";
John F. Kennedy was "Lancer" or "Dazzle";
Dwight Eisenhower was "Scorecard" or "Providence."

The Film: Blood Diner (1987)

Spiritual remake of: Blood Feast (1963), a probable future Furdell Classic Cinema Theatre movie that a character in John Waters's Serial Mom called "the Citizen Kane of gore movies."

But it reminded us of: Repo Man (1984), which has an eerily similar grainy punk-rock aesthetic and comic surrealist streak. I thought this was a strange connection for my brain to make, since there's no cannibalism in Repo Man, but James came to the same conclusion independently, so there must be something to it.

Premise: When not feeding people to vegetarians at their diner, two brothers, at the behest of their dead uncle's talking brain, devote their lives to resurrecting the ancient goddess Sheetar, via a ritual that hasn't been performed -- as we're told many times -- in over five million years.

AVClub's Friday Buzzkills echoes my thoughts:

...“separation of church and state” is still just a phrase we make little kids learn so that when they grow up they have a fundamental understanding of how hypocrisy works.

In case you missed it on Election Day, here's CNN's Jessica Yellin talking to Wolf Blitzer...

...via hologram.

I was the first one in the newsroom to notice it (everyone else was watching ABC's coverage), and my initial reaction was to point at the screen and search desperately for words. Exact quote: "Oh my -- what are they -- is that -- no, it can't be...a hologram?!?!"

The assembled producers and reporters at first found it hilarious and made the necessary Star Wars references, but within minutes the prevailing mood was: "my god, we need one of those. Now."

We so, absolutely do.

CNN.com blows the lid open on "HENRYs" -- "High earners, not rich yet." Hilarious. The story highlights Bill Kwon, "a wealth advisor earning $375,000 at Morgan Stanley, with a five-bedroom brick home, a minivan, a son in private school, and three younger kids to follow." I know what you're thinking: where's the part about him not being rich yet?

One thing that every rich person I've ever met has had in common: none of them believed they were rich. Even people who this article would call rich ("hedge fund managers, investment bankers, or CEOs", "net worth in the multimillions") have said to me something along the lines of, "Oh, I'm not rich. I know some guys who are worth ten times what I'm worth -- they're rich." Knowing this is a big part of the reason why I decided early on not to pursue money as a primary goal...it's a race you just can't win.

What really irks me about Bill Kwon, though, is his notion that your income is directly proportional to how hard you work.

""Raising taxes for people at my income level is like being punished for success, for working hard." ...Kwon fears that America risks killing the incentive for people like him by shrinking the rewards for logging extra hours or starting a business, diminishing the dream that brought his father from Korea.

Believe me, Bill, those of us who make one-tenth of what you rake in are also putting in extra hours.

Aspiring HENRYs played by the rules and did everything right: They won the best grades in high school, got accepted at good colleges and grad schools, and worked daunting schedules as medical interns or associates in law firms.

Screw you, article! We blogging Furdells all have degrees from a top twenty university! So we didn't decide to go to law school or med school -- does that mean we didn't work hard enough, because we wanted to do something else with our lives, something that maybe doesn't pay quite as well? I guess we're just lazy?

Mr. Kwon's sense of entitlement reminds me of the words of American poet S. Tyler:

'Cause I'm sick of your complainin'/ About how many bills/ And I'm sick of all your bitchin'/ 'Bout your poodles and your pills/ And I just can't see no humor/ About your way of life/ And I think I can do more for you/ With this here fork and knife.

Eat the rich.

As of about a half hour ago, the AP and all the major networks have called the election for Barack Obama; come January, I'll never have super his name again. (We don't super the president, the pope, or the governor.)

I'm at work, on standby in case they need me (they probably won't), and just trying to stay out of everyone's way. The newsroom's Tension Machine is clearly cranked up to 11, with everyone running around and screaming at each other. Very exciting.

Unlike the rest of Earth, I'm keeping my eye on local ballot measures, and for the most part the results are quite depressing. In Florida, the presidential vote is still too close to call with what appears to be a slight Obama lead, but the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage is way ahead.

Colorado, though not yet called, looks like a very likely Obama win; but they're also poised to end affirmative action and define life as beginning at conception. Who are these people?

Massachusetts went overwhelmingly blue in the national election -- but they even more overwhelmingly repealed the state income tax. Seriously, who are these people, and what do they think they're voting for?

Give Arizona and Arkansas credit: they're banning gay marriage and forbidding gay couples from adoption children, respectively, but at least they have the decency to vote Republican.

In other words, like I said four long, long years ago, people just don't base their vote on policy. In fact, maybe it goes beyond that: I don't think the electorate even understands the policies they're voting for.

To sum up: We won, and American democracy continues to be a total and abject failure.

In North Carolina, Senate challenger Kay Hagan is vehemently denying Elizabeth Dole's charges that Hagan is a dirty, dirty God-hating atheist.

"The overwhelming reaction to this ad has been disgust — directed at Sen. Dole — for stooping to this low and attacking a fellow Christian," said Colleen Flanagan, a spokeswoman for Hagan's campaign.

"Sen. Dole knows Kay is a strong Christian, a former Sunday school teacher and a member of Greensboro's First Presbyterian Church, and she knows that her advertisements are lies."

Well thank goodness for that! The last thing we need is those godless heathens having any hope of representation in government. If there's a litmus test for politicians, it should be whether they believe in Santy-Claus.